Breathe Me: Smith and Belle (Royals Saga Book 11) Read online

  I poured myself a hot cup of tea, wrapping my hands around the bone china teacup and relishing how the heat radiated through my frozen fingertips. Breathing in the minty scent, I took a long sip. I hadn’t known what to expect from the herbal tea, usually I preferred something stronger myself. A nice Darjeeling, maybe. But I found the Mother’s Tea refreshing and floral. I’d been supposed to be taking cups of it a couple of times a day but I kept forgetting. I looked up to Mrs. Winters. “Thank you.”

  “You need to be having it a couple of times a day according to the box,” she said to me. “Although there are other more natural ways to handle—”

  “I think this will be enough,” I interrupted her. I couldn’t imagine that Edward would want to sit through a conversation about breast-feeding.

  I finished my first plate of breakfast and stood to make more toast. Mrs. Winters swatted me away, ordering me back to the table so she could do it for me. She was delivering it to me when Smith arrived with Penny in his arms.

  “I’m afraid she needs you,” he said.

  “That’s okay,” I said, standing to reach for her. But as I did stars appeared on the edges of my vision and I lurched forward, catching myself on the table before I fell. I was dimly aware of concerned cries all around me as I pressed my palm to my temple. I took a moment and straightened up, blinking rapidly. My head felt fuzzy as though I’d had too much to drink. After a moment, it seemed to mostly pass. “I’m okay. I think I stood up too quickly.”

  Smith hovered next to me protectively, insisting on carrying Penny into the other room where I could sit and nurse her. He stayed there, watching me like a hawk for further signs of distress, and despite my attempts, I found my eyes growing heavier and heavier.

  “Did you get me the wrong medication?” I asked him sleepily.

  “I don’t think so.” He frowned. “I took it out of the bottle marked Sertraline.”

  “That’s the right one,” I said slowly. It was getting harder to think. “I just thought maybe you accidentally gave me the sleeping pill.”

  “Are you tired?” I didn’t miss a hint of pride in his voice. “I did keep you rather busy last night.”

  “That must be it.” Truthfully, it probably was. It had been a while since I’d exerted myself so physically.

  “Finish up, and take a nap,” he said to me.

  “But tomorrow is Christmas—” I protested.

  “I can handle everything,” he said. “You need to rest—” He leaned down to kiss me and whispered “—because I plan on doing a lot of very wicked things to you tonight.”

  I sighed happily.

  “What were you and Edward doing out there anyway?” he asked. “Couldn’t wait to play in the snow?”

  “That reminds me, he wants to sled. Do you know if the stables may have something like that?” I asked, feeling sleepier and sleepier.

  “Stables?” he repeated. “You didn’t go all the way out there, did you?”

  “No.” I yawned. “Rowan stopped me. What is he up to anyway? We were trying to figure out what you plant in winter?”

  "Planting? You don’t plant anything,” he said.

  I opened my mouth to tell him about the shovel and the dirt, but found myself too tired to speak.

  “Give me the baby, beautiful,” he ordered me, “and take your stubborn ass to bed for a while.” He saw me all the way up to our room, coming in to tuck me under the covers. Penny squawked a little before settling happily against her daddy’s shoulder. I blinked up at him, trying to memorize the moment of seeing my husband with our child, but it was too hard. I was too tired and everything was too fuzzy, so I stopped fighting and let go, knowing that Smith would be right there when I woke up.

  25

  Smith

  Christmas morning was a leisurely affair. Penny woke us early, and we took our time to gather around the Christmas tree in the sitting room. Edward made coffee that was mostly palatable—as long as I added enough milk to it. Belle contentedly sipped her herbal tea while Penny lay on a blanket staring up at the mesmerizing lights of the Christmas tree. I paused, leaning against the door frame and watched my wife and her best friend, laughing over some inside joke I wasn’t privy to. I’d been dreading the holiday, with everything going on, but now, it felt like I’d already been given the only present I wanted: to see her happy.

  Belle glanced up, a wide smile carving her face and beckoned me to join them. We opened gifts for minutes or maybe hours. It hardly seemed to matter. Edward had given Belle some fancy shoes she’d scene when they were in London.

  “I told you—I have nowhere to wear them,” she said, her eyes lingering on them longingly.

  Edward shook his head, his curls still tangled from bed. “Find somewhere to wear them. Life is about making moments not waiting for them.”

  I made a mental note to find an opportunity to take her out. We might not be able to go as far as London with Penny at home, but once Nora was back in town, we could at least go to this restaurant so that I could meet the famous Tomas that had Belle and Edward giggling behind my back. I wasn’t sure if I needed to be jealous of the man or not.

  Belle had taken to supplying me with everything a man who owned a country estate might need, from wellies to a new quilted gilet to a truly shocking array of thick, flannel shirts. All I was missing was a hunting dog. I was half-worried I might find a Labrador somewhere under the tree.

  “Tired of seeing me in suits, beautiful?”

  “I’ll never get tired of seeing you in suits,” she whispered as I leaned over to kiss her. “But whatever you and Rowan are digging up in the backyard, you probably shouldn’t be doing it in a five-thousand-pound, three-piece suit.”

  I raised an eyebrow. She had a point there. Still, she was digging herself—for information. She’d brought Rowan up a couple of times since yesterday. Thankfully, I could finally tell her what it was.

  “There’s one more thing I have for you,” I told her. “But you have to get dressed first.”

  “Tell me it comes in Ferrari Red,” she purred.

  “It’s not a car this year,” I said, ignoring the way my dick twitched at the thought of her behind a fiery red sports car. Sometimes, Belle seemed to suggest those days were behind us. But I’d be happily fucking her on the top of an Italian sports car’s hood when she was ninety. And this year my mind was on our future. And our future wasn’t just about her and me or even the baby. We had more to look forward to than the country estate, and it wasn’t just about the dreams we shared, but the ones she was building as well.

  “I'll watch the baby,” Edward offered. Belle dashed upstairs with me right behind her, and we heard him call, “You two better not just be running off to shag!”

  She laughed, racing me to get dressed. A few minutes later, she stepped out of her side of the closet dressed in tan leather boots that reached her knees, a thick pair of high waisted pants that hugged her hips with a flannel shirt tucked in to them, showing off her narrow waist. She rolled her eyes when she found me already dressed in jeans and a sweater and pulled a navy Barbour jacket on. I strode closer, tugging it together and buttoning it at the waist.

  “I don’t want you to get cold,” I said.

  She stared up at me, like she was looking up at the stars. “You can always warm me up.”

  “I do believe we were told not to shag.” I kissed the tip of her nose, sliding my hand into hers.

  Belle wasn’t surprised when I led her outside, but she did hesitate. “It’s really not a car?”

  “I forget how easy you are to please.” I couldn’t help but smirk. When I first met Belle, I found it stunning when she revealed she loved cars—I knew I’d found my soulmate.

  “That’s okay,” she said huskily. “We have an anniversary coming up.”

  “Noted.” I pulled her toward the grounds.

  “Wait,” she said as I guided her, “is that what Rowan was up to?”

  “Maybe.” We walked until we reached a smal
l grove of trees. I paused and drew a blindfold out of my pocket.

  She eyed it with interest. “Kinky.”

  “No shagging, remember?”

  “And waste a perfectly good blindfold?” she pouted.

  When she put it that way, I made another note: to make sure I knew where it was later. I tied the silk blindfold around her eyes and leaned to murmur in her ear, “Do you trust me?”

  “Forever,” she said. It was the promise we’d made to each other two years ago. I moved behind her, gripping her waist and slowly leading her past the grove until we reached my Christmas present. When it was in sight, I untied her blindfold. She blinked for a moment, as her eyes readjusted to the daylight.

  “You got me a...barn?” She cocked her head, trying to understand. Her eyes skimmed across the once dilapidated building and I saw her beginning to see it was more than that.

  Belle hadn’t been able to go out on the grounds when we viewed the home. She’d never seen the old stables, but the first time we’d toured Thornham, I’d immediately known what they were meant for. It had taken months and crews coming and going through a back road so as not to draw attention to their presence, but I’d managed to have her Christmas present done in time. When her eyes landed on the reimagined stable doors, she finally saw the sign: Bless.

  “Is this…?” She clapped a hand over her mouth, turning to me with tears in her eyes.

  “Don’t cry, beautiful,” I said softly. I’d seen that too many times lately.

  “I’m crying because I’m happy. How did you do this?”

  “I’ll tell you later, but now I want to show you.” I grabbed her hand and tugged her toward the new offices of her company. When I opened the arched stable doors, I stepped to the side so she could enter first. Belle’s mouth fell open as she entered the large room.

  We gutted the place entirely, making it into two large spaces. I took her to the offices first. It was open air, the stable walls plastered over and painted a clean white. We’d kept the beams criss-crossing overhead, their dark, weathered room a perfect contrast to the modern interior we’d designed below. A polished oak floor had been installed and there were several workstations set up throughout the space. But the centerpiece was a large marble top table with gold cage office chairs for ten around it.

  “I’m going to have to hire more people,” she said, spinning around to take it all in. She paused when she saw the special spot I’d designed in the corner. Three half walls and a gate surrounded a child’s dreamland, complete with stuffed animals and books, a rocking chair, and a crib.

  “For Penny,” I said, adding, “just in case.” I didn’t want to pressure my wife to take our daughter to her new offices, but I wanted her to have the option.

  “You thought of everything,” she said breathlessly.

  “Lola helped,” I admitted.

  Belle snapped her fingers. “That’s why she had to come to Briarshead.”

  “I’m sure she actually wanted to see you, too,” I said dryly. I took her hand. “Come on. There’s more.”

  The other half of the space had been made into a sleek warehouse that kept all the unique needs of their clothing rental company in mind. There was a shipping station, organized down to the correct tape for each size box, as well as aisles and aisles of custom-designed racks. Most of the choices here had been Lola’s doing.

  “I wanted you to be able to work here,” I told her. “I know you missed your office in London. It’s still there, but—”

  She hooked a hand around my neck and shut me up with a kiss. “It’s perfect.”

  “I did okay?” I hadn’t gotten a lot right lately. It felt nice to have another win.

  “Better than that.” She licked her lower lip. “This is what you were up to?”

  “Mostly.” I shrugged. Christmas didn’t seem like the time to bring up the other subjects occupying my mind. “You know, beautiful, you could put on one helluva fashion show here.”

  “You want me to play dress up for you?”

  “It’s one of my favorite games,” I reminded her. “Do you remember the first time?”

  “At Harrods?” She lifted her brow. “A girl doesn’t forget a shopping trip like that. Got plans on New Year’s?”

  “Are we having a party?” I asked.

  “I think I could arrange a private viewing of our collection—to start the year out right,” she added innocently.

  “Naturally.” I took a step closer, hooking my index finger in the waistband of her pants. “I’ll be honest my favorite item in your office is that big conference table.”

  “Why’s that, Mr. Price?”

  “Because, ever since I placed the order, I’ve been picturing fucking you on it six ways to Sunday.”

  “Only six ways?” she asked.

  I loved it when she challenged me. I scooped her off her feet, our mouths colliding together, as I carried her back into the office. When we reached the conference table, I lowered her to the ground.

  “We need to hurry,” she said, panting, as she fumbled to unbuckle my jeans.

  There would be time later to explore all the spectacular potential of the table’s smooth marble top. For now, I had to agree. Christmas was only just beginning. I spun her away from me and yanked her pants down, bending her over the table.

  I ran a finger down her ass. “It’s been a long time since I fucked you like this, beautiful. Next time…” I pressed my thumb against the tight pink pucker and she groaned, her hands splaying as she trembled.

  Pulling my cock free, I pressed it against her slick seam until it popped past her tight folds and found its home. My thumb pressed farther as I pistoned inside her, and she cried out.

  “Who does this pussy belong to?” I demanded.

  “You, sir.”

  “And this ass?”

  “You, sir.”

  I caught her hair with my free hand and yanked her up, kissing her roughly as I continued to fuck her with my finger inside her tight ass. My lips coasted to her jawline over to her ear. “And who do you belong to, beautiful?”

  “You, sir. Forever,” she whispered. “All of me belongs to you.”

  Her words released me and I groaned as I spilled inside her. She clenched around my dick and my thumb, her whole body shaking as she came. I wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her against me until we’d both gone completely still.

  “I love you,” I murmured. “I don’t want to let you go.”

  She twisted her neck, her hair still tangled in my fist. Her eyes were bright and so alive. “Then don’t.”

  26

  Belle

  Something was wrong. I knew it the first time I tried to nurse Penny the day after Christmas. I remembered what the nurse at the clinic had said. She was right. Overnight my happy two month-old had become a tyrant. Every time I put her to the breast, she screamed. Smith took turns with me, trying to calm her. The magic of the season seemed to be officially over.

  “Can you give her a bottle?” Edward suggested gently after two hours of nonstop screaming.

  “I’ll have to pump.” I heaved myself up from the chair I’d collapsed into after Smith had taken for his turn at attempting to calm our little beast. It took me a few minutes to find it. I hadn’t even unpacked it, since I’d never needed to give her a bottle. With Edward’s help, I managed to get it up and running. But half an hour later, barely anything had come out.

  Smith appeared in the door of the nursery, Penny sobbing in his arms. She was hungry, and I couldn’t feed her. After everything I’d done, it hadn’t been enough.

  “I think my milk is gone,” I said in a hollow voice. I didn’t understand. Doctor Stanton had told me to feed her more and drink the tea. I was due to go in for a follow-up weight check this week, but I already knew that he would tell me. “She needs formula.”

  Smith walked over and placed a strong hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, beautiful. Why don’t I run to town and get some? Maybe you need to drink more of th
at tea?”

  I shrugged, swallowing hard. Terrible thoughts screamed in my head drowning out Penny’s wails. Every time I was happy—even for a moment—I was punished. This was my fault. I’d been distracted. I’d spent too much time away from the baby. I hadn’t drank enough of the sodding tea. I wasn’t enough. No matter how hard I tried.

  “My turn,” Edward held out his hands. “Go take a minute. She’ll be fine.”

  But she wouldn’t be. Not until Smith returned with food. It was her most basic need and I couldn’t provide it. I walked out of the room not really knowing where I was going. I’d woken to feed Penny and this had started. We were all still in robes and pajamas. Smith followed me in and changed.

  “Are you going to be okay?” he asked, giving me a worried look. “Maybe you should come with me.”

  I shook my head. “I’m going to take a shower, grab my medication, and get cleaned up.”

  “I won’t be gone long,” he promised.

  He kissed me goodbye and I retreated to the comfort of my monotonous routine. At least, I still knew how to wash my hair and get dressed. When I emerged from the shower, I wiped steam from the mirror. Yesterday, I was sure I saw myself there staring back at me. Today, she seemed like a stranger. What was happening to me? I picked up the pill bottle, checking the label so I didn’t grab the wrong one. Part of me was tempted to take a sleeping pill anyway and claim it was an accident. I could wake up tomorrow and this would be over, but that wasn’t going to help me or my baby.

  Smith was right. We would get through this. A shrill scream punctuated the air and I closed my eyes before I left to do what I could to soothe my daughter, knowing it would never be enough.

  27

  Smith

  The pharmacy was just opening when I pulled the Range Rover into the parking spot in front. I’d paused long enough at home to grab the tea Belle had been drinking. It was a longshot, but I’d seen the heartbreak on her face when she couldn’t nurse Penny. She’d come so far in the last few weeks. I wouldn’t let her give up without a fight. Not when she was so close to finding herself again. We could do more. I could do more.