Break Me: Smith and Belle (Royals Saga Book 12) Page 4

  “What about these?” Edward appeared carrying a box from the main house. “Lamps. Books.”

  I nodded and pointed for him to set it in the corner. We could add the items once we had more furniture. “It’s a start. We’re going to have to go shopping though.”

  “Do we have to?” He feigned annoyance at the suggestion. The truth was that Edward was probably getting stir-crazy cooped up in the house all day.

  “I could order things online.” My lips twitched at his instant look of horror.

  “You’ll do no such thing,” he said quickly, moving to help me finish the bed I was making up. “Besides, a day in the city would do you some good.”

  “We don’t have to go to the city. There are shops here,” I told him. It wasn’t as though Briarshead was without anything to do.

  “I’m pretending you didn’t say that,” he said. “We can go next week. They can live with it as it is for now.”

  I looked around the space and frowned. The guesthouse had two bedrooms—a good thing, since I couldn’t imagine asking Jane and Georgia to share a room without killing each other—plus a small kitchen and a living space. It might be nice if we’d seen to it at all in advance. I hardly felt like I was playing the gracious hostess by asking anyone to stay here. With Mrs. Winters help, we managed to pull together enough bedding to see that there was a place for them to sleep. We’d managed to have new beds delivered from the shops, which meant I wouldn’t stumble in on Georgia in the buff in the morning but we hadn’t been able to procure much else in the sandwiched days between Christmas and New Year.

  “I wish he told me she was coming,” I muttered.

  “It’s not like that. He didn’t know until…“ It wasn’t like Edward to take Smith’s side and I shot him a look. He shifted gears immediately. “But he should have told you.”

  “It’s just…“ I bit my lip. There was no point in dwelling on it. What was done was done, and I needed to focus on what needed to happen next.

  “You’ll feel better if you tell me.” Edward took a seat on the bed and patted the spot next to him.

  I joined him. “It’s just that I don’t want people to see me like this.”

  “See you like what?”

  “Scared. Useless.” I closed my eyes and muttered the worst of all, “Crazy.”

  “You aren’t crazy,” Edward said, grabbing my hand. “You’re just going through a lot right now. So much has happened to you in the last two years.”

  “It shouldn’t be this hard, though,” I confessed to him. “I wanted a baby. I got the baby. I have a husband who loves me. I have this amazing house. I have a household staff, for fuck’s sake—and I can’t keep my shit together.”

  “I’m the Prince of England and I can keep my shit together,” he sympathized. “Look, none of us expect you to have all the answers. We just want to help.”

  “I guess I just wish I didn’t need it.” That was the real problem. It had been a struggle to get myself to the point of going to the doctor to ask for medicine. Medicine that hadn’t worked. Tea that hadn’t worked. Then I failed to even nurse Penny. But none of that compared to the most unforgivable act of all: putting her in danger. I’d only held her a few times since yesterday morning, and only in the presence of someone else. Smith had stayed true to his promise. If Nora wasn’t around, he stayed close by, switching shifts with Edward to speak to Georgia. Someone was always there. I needed a nanny more than my daughter. “I’m scared to even touch her.”

  “Do you remember anything about yesterday morning?” Edward asked softly.

  It was the first time anyone has asked me about what happened. Smith seemed too scared to go there, and I couldn’t. Nora, despite how good she was with the baby, seemed to lack the maturity to acknowledge anything had happened at all. Mrs. Winters continued on like it was a normal day but kept plying me with more freaking tea. The only person that seemed willing to hold me accountable and hear my confession was Edward.

  “I remember lying down. That’s it.” The rest was a cold, white haze until Smith called my name.

  “Do you remember coming to get the baby from me?”

  I shook my head.

  He hung his own in shame. “I should’ve realized something was wrong. I’m sorry.”

  “You should be able to trust a child with her mother,” I said fiercely. The too familiar ache of tears swelled in my throat. I didn’t have the energy to fight them. Thankfully, Edward never seemed to judge me when I started to cry. Instead, he wrapped his strong arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. It took me a moment to realize that he was crying, too.

  “We’re a pair, aren’t we?” He said hollowly. “The prince who fell for the villain —”

  “And his mental case best friend,” I added.

  Edward didn’t try to argue with me. He seemed to understand that sometimes the best thing anyone can do to help a friend is let them confront their fears. He gave me a safe space to face who I saw in the mirror and what I feared I was becoming. I didn’t need someone to tell me I wasn’t crazy. Right now, I was struggling to accept that I was. Most of the time I felt normal. But facts were facts, and I endangered Penny on that ice. I had been struggling since she came home to keep on top of everything. Right now, I seemed normal. Capable even. But I couldn’t help dreading the next time one of those moods took hold. What would happen then?

  Or even worse, whom would I hurt?

  “I got a call from Tomas,” Edward said suddenly.

  I swiped at my tears and found myself smiling despite everything. “He likes you.”

  “I doubt there’s many bachelors on the market here,” Edward said with more than a little self-deprecation. “He’s probably just desperate.”

  “Yes, forcing himself to be interested in a handsome, funny, intelligent Prince. He really should have higher standards.”

  “I thought we were being nihilistic“ Edward pointed out.

  I gave him an apologetic smile. He was better at this best friend thing than I was.

  “You can see yourself however you want,” I told him, “but don’t pretend that that cute guy is looking for a pity date when he calls you.”

  “Okay, then, is this the part where I point out that Smith adores you more than ever?” he asked.

  “Let’s focus on Tomas,” I said quickly. “I’ll do a better job feeding your self-loathing. I don’t know what he sees in you. I can’t believe he called—but what did he say?”

  “That’s better.” Edward grinned. “He’s having a dinner party at the Briar Rose for New Year’s Eve. He invited us.”

  “I don’t know if I’m up for a party,” I admitted.

  “I thought you might say that,” Edward said. “I told him I would only come if you were there.”

  “No! You should go,” I jumped in, realizing my mistake too late.

  “Sorry. We’re a package deal.”

  “You don’t want to drag along your sad sack best friend on a date with a hot French chef,” I told him.

  “It’s not a date,” he said in a quiet voice, making me regret my choice of words. “He was just being nice.”

  I clamped my mouth shut, knowing that this was about so much more than self-esteem issues. Edward wasn’t ready to think about things like dating yet, and I couldn’t blame him. But even hanging out with a hot, single guy seemed like a step in the right direction. “I don’t think I should leave Smith alone on New Year’s. It is sorta our anniversary.”

  We’d eloped in New York two years ago, but our friends had surprised us weeks later with a second wedding during a New Year’s Eve party. It had also felt more like our real anniversary to me, because everything about it reminded me of the power of a fresh start. Smith had been where my life had truly begun. He was the beginning of everything for me.

  “He’s invited,” Edward said, looking at me like this was obvious.

  “Who is watching the baby?”

  “You’re the one with a household staff,” he re
minded me. “And your aunt will be here by then.”

  “When my aunt hears there’s a dinner party, she’s going to expect an invitation. Just take her with you.” I couldn’t imagine asking Jane to skip a party to change nappies. I wasn’t even sure if she knew how to change nappies, come to think of it.

  “Belle, it’s okay for you to do something normal.” The hesitation in his voice sounded like I wasn’t the only one he was trying to convince.

  Maybe he was right. “I’ll talk to Smith. I’m not sure he’ll go for it.”

  “He’s going to have to take a risk someday,” Edward said.

  “Maybe.” I couldn’t help but wonder if that were true. When it came to his family, Smith Price wasn’t inclined to gamble—and, in the last few days, I’d made him even more protective. There was no way he would leave Penny for that long with just Nora. Edward would go to New Year’s with Jane, and we’d stay here to serve our sentence. I needed to get used to being a prisoner in my own house as much as my own mind. It wasn’t a choice I had made. It was simply the way things had to be.

  6

  Smith

  Belle’s aunt arrived in a flurry of silk and fur and energy that reminded me of the chaotic pace of the city we’d left behind. Belle had been apprehensive about the choice to invite her, worried that the house was reaching maximum capacity. But there was something about Jane that made it impossible to feel negative in her presence. I’d filled her in on what had happened at Thornham, but she’d acted completely normally since her arrival. She was exactly what my wife needed.

  “Your Feng Shui is all wrong in this room,” she announced as Belle and I gave her a tour of the estate. “We’ll have to fix that. You’ll sleep better.”

  Belle rolled her eyes over her aunt’s shoulder, but the wide smile that accompanied her reaction spoke volumes to how she really felt.

  “Whatever you need,” I said. “Just tell me where to move things.”

  “I do like a man who’s willing to jump in and get a little sweaty.” Jane nudged Belle in the rib with her elbow. “I hope you put him to work often.”

  There was no mistaking the double entendre in her words. I took that as a sign to excuse myself to my study. “I’m sure you two want to catch up,” I said. “I have a few matters to attend to. Call if you need me?”

  I leaned over to kiss Belle, but she turned her head slightly. She was still a little upset with me for turning the estate into a boarding house. But I couldn’t help thinking the more normalcy I could give her, the better. We were used to being surrounded by friends and family. Perhaps, surrounding her with people now would help her feel more like her old self.

  There were plenty of things to attend to in my study. Bills to be paid. Calls to be returned. I’d put opening the law firm on an indefinite hold while we sorted through what was going on in the house.

  Georgia was in my study when I entered, feet propped up on my desk, leaning back in my chair and studying what appeared to be my files.

  “Make yourself at home,” I said dryly.

  “I did.” She didn’t bother to look up from the file folder in her hands.

  “Anything interesting?”

  “I think so.” She closed the folder and placed it back on the desk. Georgia leaned and crossed her arms on its surface, leveling her dark gaze at me. “I was looking at the names of the people that were interviewed after the disappearance and I found some curious coincidences. What’s the name of your housekeeper again?”

  “Fuck, I was afraid you’d say something like that,” I muttered, circling around the desk to pick up the folder she’d been looking at.

  Georgia leaned over and rifled through the papers until she landed on a particular report from the police interviews. “Winters.”

  “She’s not that old,” I said. “It couldn’t be her.”

  “No,” Georgia agreed. “But what if her family worked here before? Did she mention it?”

  I frowned. “It’s hardly an unusual name.”

  “Maybe.” That seemed to be Georgia’s newest noncommittal response. Maybe. But I didn’t need her to commit to more. I knew exactly what she was thinking without her having to say it directly. We’ve seen too much in our years to believe in things like coincidence.

  “What else?”

  “The rest of your staff,” she said, moving more folders on my desk to show she’d been looking through the employee files. “All of them had family who worked here, except Rowan and Nora.”

  “So two of them? That’s hardly a conspiracy.”

  “Hold up a sec, Price. Nora has no connection to Thornham. She’s young. A college student.”

  “I’ve met her,” I reminded Georgia.

  “But Rowan,” Georgia continued, without acknowledging my insertion, “he worked here.”

  “I think I knew that.” I screwed up my memory trying to keep straight what had been said during interviews. “He’s only one old enough to have worked here. I remember it coming up.”

  “That’s good,” Georgia murmured absently, moving his file to the other side of the desk.

  “I don’t really see what this has to do with our problems.”

  “I just find it odd that you’ve got a household staff full of people with connections to the original owners.”

  “I doubt there’s a lot of jobs available locally for people in their lines of work,” I pointed out. “I hardly think that means they’re out to get me. Besides, I don’t know any of them. Why would they come after us?”

  “Maybe someone asked them to.”

  Georgia hadn’t given up on her concern that this might be linked to MI-18. She’d brought it up a number of times since her arrival, and despite having no evidence to support her theory, she seemed more convinced than ever. With anyone else I might have written this off as paranoia. But Georgia wasn’t prone to overreaction. She was always the one who managed to keep things on an even keel. Something about this situation bothered her on a visceral level. Truthfully, it bothered me, too. It scratched in the back of mine like a stray, unwanted but determined to get inside. Both of us were far too rational to think there wasn’t an explanation for all the madness. We had enough enemies in our past, the last thing we were worried about was a house turning on us.

  “What are you two doing for your anniversary?” Georgia asked.

  I looked at her in surprise. “It’s not really our anniversary.”

  “Word to the wise, never say the words ’it’s not really our anniversary’ to anyone again,” she said. “Especially your wife. Just buy her flowers.”

  “There’s nothing to do in the village. I’m sure people around her just hit the pubs.”

  “Edward told me about a dinner party,” she said. “You two should go.”

  This was news to me. Why hadn’t Belle mentioned it?

  “I don’t feel comfortable leaving Penny here without one of us,” I admitted. “I’m sure Nora would do just fine. I just…“

  I couldn’t put my finger on it. As much as I appreciated the staff. I didn’t know any of them. I couldn’t trust them the way I could trust myself or Edward or Georgia.

  “You need to get her out of this house.”

  She might have a point. It was obviously a coincidence that Belle’s problems began when we moved here full time. But that didn’t mean that getting her away from those problems—even for a night—wouldn’t do her some good. “I’ll make her go with Jane and Edward. It will be good for her.”

  “You should be with her,” Georgia said. “Anniversary, remember?”

  “Someone has to stay with the baby, and I want you to go with them and keep an eye on things.”

  “No dice.” Georgia shook her head and pushed back from the desk. “I’ll stay with the baby.”

  “You’ll… What?” I’d heard her wrong. There was no way that Georgia Kincaid had just offered to babysit.

  “I’m around a baby all the time,” she said defensively. “I won’t break it.”

>   “Her,” I said gently. “You just don’t seem the motherly type.”

  “Neither do you,” she snapped. “Look, I can change a nappy. I can give a bottle. I’m not totally useless.”

  “Are those really the new criteria now?” Belle’s cold voice cut in.

  “Beautiful,” I said, whirling toward her and finding her standing with Jane just inside the door. “Georgia just offered to stay with Nora and Penny on New Year’s so that we could go out.” Georgia cleared her throat lightly, and I added, “for our anniversary.”

  “You want to stay with our baby?” Belle’s surprise mirrored my own reaction.

  Georgia looked even more put out. “You know, the Queen of England trusts me with her kid, so maybe you two could lower your standards just a little.”

  “I didn’t know that you liked kids,” Belle said quickly, clearly worried that she had offended her.

  “I don’t.”

  We all waited for her to finish that statement, but she didn’t.

  “If you’re sure,” I said, eyeing her to see if she was just being polite.

  It was Jane that finally interrupted, “Oh Lord, just take the help. Penny will be in good hands. And I want to go dancing and I want to see you two dancing.”

  Belle and I shared a sheepish look. That would require us putting our little disagreement behind us. I didn’t want to force her to forgive me because of some holiday. “Sounds good to me. If you want me to come, beautiful?”

  I put it in her hands. I told myself that if she said she didn’t want me there it didn’t mean anything, except that she wanted to relax and be with her friends. But when she finally nodded, relief washed through me.

  “Then it’s settled.” Jane clapped her hands. “A new year always reminds me that there’s not enough time to wait for the perfect moment. There’s only time to live.”