Break Me: Smith and Belle (Royals Saga Book 12) Page 5

  I found myself hoping she was right.

  7

  Belle

  “I have nothing to wear,” I announced, coming out of my closet. I’d been in there for the last ten minutes shoving apart hangers and staring at dozens of choices. Nothing felt right.

  “You have half of Harrods in there.” Edward strode past me into the closet and turned, planting his hands on his hips. He was already dressed in his outfit for the evening. Most years we wound up doing something that required tuxedos, but this year, given that we were going to a dinner party in the village, that seemed like overkill. That left me not knowing what to wear. Edward, as always, knew exactly how to rise to the challenge. He’d opted for a pair of well tailored charcoal trousers, a polished pair of Testoni loafers and a thickly knit sweater, its toggle button open at the neck to reveal a hint of the pressed white shirt below. He looked effortlessly effortlessly casual with his dark curls artfully combed away from his clean-shaven face. “You have one million things to wear in here.”

  I followed him inside, shaking my head. “All of these were from before.”

  “You have an expiration date for clothes now? Belle, you run a fashion empire,” he reminded me.

  How could I explain to him that I felt differently now. “None of it will look the same. Nothing is where it used to be.” I waved a hand over my body, hoping he would get the picture. My boobs were still bigger than before Penny. My stomach softer. My hips fuller.

  “You look fabulous,” he said, dismissing my concern.

  “I don’t feel it,” I said softly. I rolled my eyes. “Just pick something for me.”

  “I never thought the day would come that I got to dress you.” He looked as if I just handed him a belated Christmas gift.

  “Fine, but nothing too flashy.” I didn’t want to draw attention to myself in the village tonight. Who knew what rumors were going around about the Prices and Thornham. He shooed me out of the closet.

  “Be patient, and you will see how genius creates a legend,” he called to me.

  “Legend? We think awfully highly of ourselves.”

  His curly head popped out, plastered with a smug grin. “I’m royalty, remember?”

  I sat down on the edge of the bed and began chewing my fingernails nervously. I still wasn’t sure about leaving Penny, even with Georgia here. But neither Smith nor Edward seemed willing to let me back out of the evening’s plans. I also didn’t have a leg to stand on. Given that I had been avoiding being alone with the baby, it seemed strange to insist on staying with her now. For some reason though, it felt like a bad idea. Then again, given my mental state, maybe I wasn’t the best person to make this decision.

  Edward appeared from the closet a few minutes later, holding a dress bag. He smiled triumphantly as he held up. “Legend, I tell you.”

  I stared at the black bag as I tried to remember what was inside.

  “It’s perfect, and you’re going to look smashing,” he told me as he placed it across the bad. Edward unzipped the bag carefully to reveal a deep blue dress. It’s color was so dark it nearly looked black. Even on the hanger, I could see he was right. Sheer sleeves tapered to elegant sequined cuffs and its long, portrait-style neck in the same light chiffon allowed it to gracefully skim the very edge of where my shoulders would be before dipping into an open back. Its bodice was simple until it reached the waistline where sequins formed an erratic, but sophisticated pattern that accentuated the curve of the hips. From there scattered sequins fell like dark stars along the fabric to its floor-length hemline.

  “I don’t remember buying this,” I said, fingering it’s sleeve. “It was probably from one of Bless’s designers. Isn’t it a little too dressy?”

  “Honestly, I hang around with people who have to wear tuxedos to birthday parties, so I may not be the best judge,” he said, winking at me, “but I think it’s perfect.”

  “I’ll try it on.” I wasn’t ready to commit to it just yet. I excused myself to the loo to change. From the moment, I slipped into the dress, I knew he’d chosen correctly. I felt like myself for the first time in ages. There was no huge baby bump changing the way it looked on me. It wasn’t trousers and a sweater meant for mucking around the property. It was elegant and sophisticated and sexy—exactly what I wanted to wear to bring in the new year. But I wasn’t ever going to be the woman I’d been before. Wearing a dress couldn’t change that. Maybe I needed to pick something more suitable to my life at Thornham and leave London Belle behind moving forward.

  Edward tapped on the bathroom door, and I opened it. His eyes scanned me before he let out a low whistle. “You’re going to wind up pregnant again if you wear that.”

  “In that case, I’m changing.” I pushed past him, but he caught my wrist.

  “I’m only joking. You look amazing.”

  I bit my lip and stared questioningly at him. “I don’t know up from down anymore.”

  He spun me around to look in the mirror, standing behind me. Edward rested his hands on my shoulders and leaned down, lowering his voice. “You’re still you. No matter what changes. Even when it’s you that’s changing, it’s okay to hold on to some bits.”

  My hand reached up and squeezed his. I didn’t trust myself to say anything. Most of the time, I didn’t feel like me. I didn’t feel like anyone. And it was stupid that a dress could somehow get me closer to the person I remembered being. It gave me hope that maybe she was still in there somewhere.

  “Let’s get your hair done,” he said, reaching to pull it up. “I think you should show off your neck. It’s so graceful, just like a swan.”

  “I’m glad I know you’re gay or I might think you were hitting on my wife,” a gruff voice broke in. I peeked over Edward’s shoulder, angling myself carefully behind him so Smith couldn’t see what I’d chosen to wear. Smith himself had opted for a dark blue suit. One of the ones he used to wear at his offices in London. I’d always loved it. Off the top of my head, I could think of a half-dozen times he fucked me wearing that suit. My toes curled against the tiles under my feet. Maybe Edward was right. Maybe we had to find the parts of us we wanted to keep and cling to them.

  Still, we couldn’t ignore the things that were changing. That’s why Smith was having hushed conversations with Georgia behind closed doors and why my aunt had been called to intervene. How could we hold on to each other when we were being torn apart?

  “I’m almost ready.” I reached around Edward and shut the bathroom door. The last thing I saw was a glimpse of Smith’s stunned face as it slammed shut.

  Edward chuckled under his breath. “What’s up with you two?”

  “That’s a long story,” I said with a sigh. “He’s keeping secrets. But I know what he’s not saying. He thinks I’m broken.”

  “He thinks that?” Edward said meaningfully.

  “He thinks it. I know it,” I murmured softly. “And does that change anything between you two?”

  “Shouldn’t it?” It was the very question I’ve been pondering for the last few days. “How can Smith still look at me with love in his eyes after what I did? How can he trust me? I don’t trust me! How does love survive that?”

  “No,” Edward said in a firm, but quiet voice. “True love can’t be broken.”

  “Even when people are broken?” I whispered.

  “Especially when people are broken. That’s when love’s the strongest, because it’s made from the parts that survived the breaking,” he said. He squeezed my shoulders. “Now what are we going to do about your hair?”

  A half hour later my hair was pinned into an elegant twist, I had a fresh set of false lashes applied courtesy of my best friend and my lips were painted crimson red. I hand’t felt this sexy in a long time. Despite the awkwardness between me and Smith, I found a La Perla garter in my closet and shimmied it on along with silk stockings. Maybe a little champagne would give me the courage to tempt him with a peek at them.

  “My work here is done.” Edward said when I cam
e back out of the closet. “Legend.”

  “Pretty good.” I steadied myself against the door frame and slipped on a pair of silver Louboutins.

  He rolled his eyes. “I’m going to make sure they’re heating up the cars. See you downstairs?”

  I nodded. There were still a few things I needed to do. I made sure that I had everything I needed in a small Chanel clutch before I left the bedroom. Part of me wanted to go downstairs and avoid the nursery altogether. The part of me that was sure I didn’t deserve to be Penny’s mother. But since this was going to be one of the first nights I had away from my baby, I found myself heading there anyway. When I peeked inside, I found Nora rocking a sleeping Penny against her chest. Georgia had taken the other upholstered chair in the room, swinging her legs over the side, while scrolling on her phone. It wasn’t the picture of domestic bliss I’d anticipated when I decorated the nursery. Then, I’d expected to sit long hours in the blush pink room, an extra chair next to mine for Smith to join us. We would be a family cut straight from a catalog page. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

  Nora’s eyes flickered up and met mine. She smiled softly, and I took that as a sign that I was welcome to come in. It was strange to think that I felt I needed permission to be near my own child, but that’s how the last few days have been. I tiptoed inside, worried that I would wake her. When I reached the glider, I hesitated for only a second before leaning down to kiss the downy hair on her head.

  “Have a good time tonight,” Nora whispered.

  I swallowed, forcing myself to nod before turning to Georgia.

  “You know how to reach us.”

  She did a good job of not acting offended by this statement. Instead, she tipped her head. “We’ll be fine.”

  “Still…“ In truth, we both knew that Penny was better off here with the two of them than with me tonight. But it felt like it was my job to show concern over leaving her.

  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be here. I couldn’t imagine a better way to spend the start of the new year than cuddling my daughter next to the room’s crackling fireplace with Smith at my side. But what if I had another episode? I couldn’t risk it. It was better this way.

  I backed out of the room, my eyes never leaving Penny’s curled-up form. Nora had dressed her in a white-smocked one piece with a Peter Pan collar. Together, the two of them looked almost angelic. Penny, a bright light and Nora, her dark protector. A bitter taste filled my mouth, and I turned away, leaving the nursery behind. This was supposed to be my life, but it didn’t feel like my own anymore. I should be grateful to Nora for taking care of my daughter when I couldn’t be trusted. Instead, I felt nothing but jealousy. I stopped a moment in the hallway to collect myself, straightening my shoulders and preparing to put on a cheerful face for everyone downstairs.

  As I descended the staircase, Smith walked into view and stopped at the landing. His eyes met mine and the look of love there stole my breath away. I clutched the railing, feeling myself tremble under the weight of his gaze and somehow managed to make it to the bottom.

  “You’re beautiful,” he said simply.

  “So you’re always telling me,” I said with a shrug.

  He hooked an arm around my waist and drew me to him. Smith tipped my chin up with his index finger, his green eyes piercing through me. “Don’t do that. Don’t make yourself less than you are.”

  “And what am I?” I breathed.

  “Everything.” His face angled over mine, leaning to capture a kiss. It was slow and full of unspoken things—the words we hadn’t said the last few days. Suddenly, I knew that Edward was right. None of what happened mattered to Smith. He would stand by me no matter what. I might not deserve him, but I wasn’t about to let him go. In his arms, his mouth pressed to mine, his tongue licking a hungry line across the roof of my mouth, I remembered that I belonged to him. He would protect me. If I was broken, he would put me back together. When he finally broke away, he pressed his forehead against mine and whispered, “We could just stay in…“

  “I was promised champagne and dancing,” I reminded him.

  “Well, in that case.” He offered me his arm, and I took it.

  “Where are the others?” We paused at the door and he wrapped a mink stole around my shoulders.

  “I sent them ahead. I wanted a few minutes alone with my wife.” He glanced over at me, an unreadable expression passing over his face. “Is that okay with you?”

  “I always want a moment with you.” It was the truth. It was what we needed. I could see that now. I’d been so keen on punishing myself that I lost sight of what really mattered. We had something worth fighting for. Our love. Our family. We would make it through this.

  “Are you ready, Mrs. Price?” he asked, his question suddenly taking on a whole new meaning.

  “Lead the way, Mr. Price.”

  8

  Belle

  The Christmas snow had lingered all week, and it seemed we were in for a white New Year as well. Plump snowflakes fell against the dark sky as we drove toward Briarshead. I missed the Bugatti, but as the Range Rover’s tires crunched along the snow-strewn roads, I found myself realizing Smith had been right about the larger vehicle. My hand was in Smith’s, resting on its large leather console, as we made our way to celebrate a new beginning. When we arrived in the village, there were crowds of boisterous partygoers crawling between the town’s three pubs.

  “Shit.” Smith surveyed the crowds and cast a worried look at me. “Not exactly what I was expecting.”

  “I doubt they’re going to head to the Briar Rose.” In fact, I knew they wouldn’t be. According to Edward, Tomas had closed the restaurant for tonight’s party “It’s by invitation only. I don’t think we have to worry about drunk university students.”

  By the time we reached the end of the high street, the crowds had dissipated. We found the Briar Rose lit up warmly with strings of party bulbs on the outside. Through the windows we could see groups of people milling around. I spotted Jane speaking animatedly with a man half her age. I had no doubt she’d have him seduced by midnight.

  Inside, the Briar Rose had been transformed from a cozy, if eclectic, British tavern into a swanky club for the evening. The lights were dim, the lanterns hanging from the ceiling flickering romantically overhead. Large bouquets of white roses clustered on every table with feather plumes sticking out of them, adding to the atmosphere of the fête. The tables had been laid with white linen cloth and set formally with gold rimmed, bone china and silver. In the center of the room a large tower of coupe glasses had been erected just waiting for champagne to overflow from the glass on top. Rather than have servers, the bar had been turned into a buffet of mouth watering delicacies. I was already eyeing what looked to be a platter of foie gras when Jane accosted us at the door. She thrust a glass of champagne into my hands and leaned to kiss me on the cheek.

  “Are you ready for the new year?” she asked.

  The sip of champagne I’d started to take turned into a gulp, and I nodded with wide eyes. This year had been full of too many ups and downs. From the incredible high of expecting our first child and then welcoming her into the world to the terrible events that had hurt so many people I loved, I was more than ready for the clock to strike midnight.

  Jane had chosen a loose-fitting, sequined gown that hung off her shoulders. A woman in her twenties wouldn’t be able to wear it with the amount of sophistication and confidence that my aunt could. She owned the dress, and by the end of the night, I suspected she’d own every heart in the room.

  “If you’ll excuse me,” Smith said, “I’m going to get you something to eat, beautiful.” He disappeared toward the bar before I could stop him.

  “You really picked a good one.” Jane sighed as her eyes traveled along after him. “Now help me pick one.”

  “You’re looking for a husband?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

  Jane swatted my arm, laughing merrily as if I’d made a good joke. “Oh no, I have
no interest in giving up my freedom now. Ones like him don’t come along every day. Just remember that.” She paused, a look of distant pain flashing over her face. I knew the truth. Jane had found the right one and lost him. She married a handful of times, the relationships each lasted such a short while that she’d told me herself they didn’t count.

  “Are you okay?” I asked in a lowered voice. I knew all too well how easy it was to lock away pain.

  “Don’t fuss over me,” she said, instantly brightening. “I love my life. I’m completely happy by myself. That’s the trick, you know,” she lowered her voice conspiratorially. “Whether you’re single or you’re married, love yourself wildly and you will always be happy.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” I promised her. “So, what am I picking out for you then?”

  “I’m not a nun. I may love myself, but I don’t mind enjoying loving someone else in bed every now and then,” she said with a wink.

  Since Jane was sharing the guest house with Georgia, I wondered how it would go down if she took a man home tonight. Then again, I wasn’t about to stop her. It wasn’t as if I could if I wanted to.

  “What about him?” I tilted my head toward a man with salt-and-pepper hair and a graying beard. He was dressed in an expensive suit and sipping a glass of bourbon. Perhaps, he felt my eyes on him, because he looked up and smiled widely when he saw me standing there with Jane. “Very handsome,” she agreed, “but he’s looking for a wife.”

  And Jane clearly wasn’t looking for a husband. I nodded in understanding. “That young chef is tasty,” she said in a low voice, “but I fear his heart is spoken for.”

  I followed her gaze to where Tomas and Edward were talking, standing a little more closely than friends might. Edward said something and Tomas laughed, touching his arm lightly.